Pt. 1 Get Educated About Alienation: How Parental Alienation Manifests in a School or Educational Setting

The kids will be out of school for MEA Weekend…while other families are enjoying a weekend getaway or a visit to the apple orchard or some special activity, this will be just another holiday, another weekend, another day without my children.

Missing my kids on MEA weekend got me thinking about how parental alienation manifests in the educational setting…that those who perpetrate alienation not only manipulate the child but often manipulate other people, even professionals, in their war against the targeted parent. This commonly happens as “triangulation” – when one parent (usually the abuser or alienator) uses a third party, like a teacher or school principal, to play against the other parent.

Parental alienation has various definitions but in a nutshell is when one parent works to damage a child’s relationship with the other parent (known as the “targeted parent”). As a result of alienation, child who previously had a close, loving, healthy (not abusive) relationship with the “targeted parent” then becomes estranged, hostile or rejects that parent. Many consider alienation a form of child abuse. The alienator may also elicit others—like educators—to similarly hate, reject or become hostile toward the other parent.

When alienation occurs in the school setting, the results are devastating: usually there is breakdown in communication between one parent and the educators (who have taken the side of the alienating parent, and may view the “targeted” parent in a negative light). The school may consciously or unconsciously reinforce the power and control tactics of the alienator, and sometimes the educators will even become personally involved in family court or custody litigation. There are cases where an educator has become so aligned with one parent that they will give that parent a favorable impression to the court while becoming hostile towards the “targeted parent”; finding fault, blaming and criticizing that parent, even in areas that have nothing to do with the child’s education. The child is always caught in the middle—they sense the hostility at home, and again in school. The child is given negative messages about the other parent, or senses a negative message, and as a result, their relationship with that parent erodes. The quality of the child’s education suffers, as does their ability to function in school and social settings because the trauma and stress created by alienation causes profound, even lifelong damage, to a child’s health and well being on all levels.

Parental Alienation Occurring in an Educational Setting: The school should provide a safe setting for a child to learn and grow. Unless a court order prohibits parental involvement in some way, it is not serve the best interests of a child when a teacher or educator is hostile to one parent, and unwilling to include that parent in the child’s education. It is not the job of the school or educators to become personally involved in the family dynamic but, rather, to provide quality education to children. Structure, stability and new experiences benefit children. For child who experiences family dysfunction, school can be an escape or provide a needed respite.

Educators who are aware of parental alienation (and family violence in general) are better equipped to maintain appropriate boundaries and avoid being drawn into conflict. Similarly, educators who are knowledgeable about abuse dynamics can better support children, if needed utilize programs and services for the child or if there are indications of harm or endangerment, alert authorities.

– Emily Court, 2014

Pt. 2 Get Educated About Alienation: Examples of How Alienation Manifests in an Educational Setting

Pt. 3 Get Educated About Alienation: Tips on How to Handle Alienation Dynamics in an Educational Setting

 

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Pt. 2 Get Educated About Alienation: Examples of How Alienation Manifests in an Educational Setting

BE AWARE – Some Examples of How Parental Alienation Manifests in an Educational Setting. Look for repeated incidents and patterns:

“For many people, there is an additional battle they have to wage– with their natural tendency to be angry. One prevalent example is the angry mother or father who poisons his/her children against the other parent after a divorce, thereby often irreparably damaging both the children and the other parent” — Dennis Prager

*Be aware when one parent makes false accusations against the other parent, makes disparaging remarks or discloses inappropriate personal information to teachers, social workers or other school staff.

False allegations may be hard to detect because the alienating parent can give the appearance of being a caring, involved parent. Watch for remarks that have a hostile tone. Watch for remarks that reveal inappropriate personal information. Watch for remarks and a tone that is always negative, hostile or feels like gossip toward the other parent.

*Be aware when you may find yourself not liking the other parent based on what you have heard, or you find yourself becoming hostile towards the other parent. This is especially true if you never met the other parent.

*Be aware when a child is making negative, critical or otherwise derogatory remarks about the other parent, especially if the child’s words or demeanor are similar or repetitive to comments you heard from the other parent. In cases of alienation, the child is hyper critical- they will always find fault with the “targeted parent”. The child may express that they hate their parent or wish they were dead. The child may speak about adult issues that no child should be aware of—blaming one parent as the cause of the divorce/separation, knowing details about the court involvement (and taking the side of one parent against the other), knowing details of family finances (blaming one parent for financial troubles) are common in cases of alienation. The child may also blame themselves as the cause of the family troubles, and take on more of an adult role.

*Be aware when it becomes apparent that the statements made about the other parent are untrue or do not match what was being reported. If you are an educator, and this is happening, be careful not to take sides—instead consult a supervisor of what is happening, and seek their input on how to handle the situation. Remain neutral, do not get personally involved. If you feel the child is at risk of harm, contact the proper authorities.

*Be aware when professional boundaries become blurred; maintain firm boundaries with clear expectations for both parents. Common examples of poor boundaries: Taking extra time to talk or have coffee with a parent, and the discussion becomes more social. Sending messages to one parent from the other. Withholding information from one parent about their child (grades, progress, school meetings, etc.) Making opinions about parenting time or custody. Favoring the child because you feel sorry for him.

*Be aware when a parent makes inappropriate or unreasonable requests of the school. Examples: Parents asks school to monitor or check up on other parent and report back to them. Parent uses school to report allegations of child abuse rather than seek help through a doctor, CPS, police etc. Parent asks school to monitor exchanges with other parent. Parent asks school to violate court orders.

*Be aware when someone other than the biological parent (family member, friend, new partner/spouse etc) is identifying as the child’s Mom/Dad when that parent is still alive, and still involved in the life of the child (even if the parent is absent, this is a red flag). Be aware of someone other than a biological parent identifying themselves as legal guardian and there is no court order giving them the authority.

*Be aware when a parent sabotages child’s progress in school. There is a wide range of behavior from encouraging rebellion in a child, to making a child afraid, to giving a child caffeine, sugar or drugs to change their behavior in school, to refusing to bring a child to school (etc)

*Be aware when a parent refuses to consent to needed educational interventions, testing or school conferences etc Be aware when getting help or services for the child is a battle. As a result, the child’s progress, health and emotional state my decline or show signs of drastic change. The parent’s reasons for rejecting the help or services may sound irrational, focused on the needs of the parent and NOT the child, or this parent may have a history of engaging in conflict when the other parent is involved.

*Be aware when a parent does not adhere to boundaries, rules or requests.

*Be aware when one parent blames the other parent when the child is not doing well in school. The blame is often unreasonable, out of context and includes inappropriate disclosures of personal information. The tone used is typically hostile or defensive. Attempts to talk or reason with the parent seem to increase conflict or result in the parent criticizing the other parent. The parent may also demonstrate hostility, anger and a punitive tone towards the child. Or the parent may elicit the child to say negative things about the other parent.

Examples of common remarks: Jane’s grades are poor because she is visiting the parent more often. Jane’s behavior is bad because there are no rules at the parent’s house. Jane did not get her homework done; I bet the parent was out partying again.

*Be aware when one parent is receiving all of the information, is the source of all communication, is present during all school functions and the other is excluded or absent. Explanations about that parent’s absence are not explained, explanations may not make sense or the reasons for the absence change. This is especially true when there is no court order to limit the other parent’s involvement.

When the other parent contacts the school they may express that they are not getting updates, they may sound confused, and alternately may tell you that they are being alienated or kept from being involved. Do not judge or take sides. Remain neutral, and give both parents an equal opportunity to be involved and receive updates. Send out reports and notices to each parent.

*Be aware when a child is tardy or absent from school during or after parenting time with one parent. This would happen repeatedly, without any explained absences.

*Be aware when a child is expressing extreme remarks that are unusual for their age, remarks may be directed at one parent or expressions of anger, rage, or knowledge of adult subjects. Also be aware of depression, suicidal thoughts, inability to socialize and anxiety in a child, as these symptoms often accompany alienation. Do not try to treat or diagnose a child, rather seek the appropriate professional help or guidance available in the school setting.

*Be aware when a child says things like “I don’t have a Mom/Dad” or my “Mom/Dad is dead” when that is not true. The child may also draw or play out family scenes that involve turmoil, violence, death, sadness or even apathy. The child’s remarks and behavior are often atypical, and stand out as being different from peers.

*Be aware when a child repeats disparaging remarks about the other parent. Or have knowledge about adult or family court/child custody matters. The child will seem to have taken the side of one parent and will be totally against the other.

These are all indicators of alienation. 

– Emily Court, 2014

FOR MORE INFO:

Kids Aiding Parental Alienation Awareness Organization: http://kapaao.paawareness.org/

17 Strategies for Combating Parental Alienation: http://parentalalienationinfo.com/2012/09/17-strategies-for-combating-parental-alienation-syndrome.html?189db0

The Leadership Council: Differentiating Abuse from Alienation: http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/diff.htm

Pt. 1 Get Educated About Alienation: How Parental Alienation Manifests in a School or Educational Setting

Pt. 3 Get Educated About Alienation: Tips on How to Handle Alienation Dynamics in an Educational Setting

_________________

Have You Experienced Parental Alienation. If So What Were the “Red Flags” or Indicators that Alienation was Happening? What did you do cope or get help for your family? What works? As a teacher or educator, what are your experiences with alienation or triangulation (you can post anonymously)

Please Share in the Comments

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Pt. 3 Get Educated About Alienation: Tips on How to Handle Alienation Dynamics in an Educational Setting

Final article in the “Get Educated” series – raising awareness of how parental alienation dynamics can manifest in a school/educational setting and tips on what you can do to avoid being drawn into conflict, and to ensure a safe, stable school environment for the child involved.

NOTE: This based on one mom’s experience as well as research on alienation and is not meant to replace professional advice or help, please seek the appropriate professional with concerns. 

For Educators:

If you have concerns, or see “red flags”, you do not have to diagnose, label or name “parental alienation”! Being aware of the red flags of parental alienation serve two purposes: 1) to avoid being drawn into conflicts or taking a side (triangulation), and 2) to take note of concerns in the child and take appropriate steps to seeking additional help or support for that child. Or, alternately, when a parent’s behavior is harmful or poses a risk of harm to a child, as a mandated reporter, you make a report/contact the authorities.

*Get educated about abuse and parental alienation.

*As a mandated reported, do report any concerns about abuse, neglect, or child endangerment. This may include if the child appears suicidal or appears to be a danger to themselves or someone else.

*Maintain professional boundaries at all times. Do not compromise, make deals or give favors. If needed, talk to a supervisor for help or guidance.

*Don’t take the bait- avoid gossip, personal conversations or bad mouthing a parent. If conversations turn personal, set firm boundaries and redirect.

*Don’t Assume or Rush to Conclusions. If you feel there is a misunderstanding with a parent, don’t rush to conclusions, become emotional or take the defensive. Instead, find a time to talk about the issue, ask questions for more information.

*Offer equal opportunities to both parents to be involved in the child’s education. Be willing to communicate and share information to both parents. - send out separate report cards, conference notices, school updates etc. Don’t take a side or show preference.

*Teach critical thinking skills in the classroom. 

Resources and Downliads for Teaching Critical Thinking: http://www.edutopia.org/stw-kipp-critical-thinking-resources-downloads

Teaching Critical Thinking: http://www.studygs.net/teaching/crttch.htm

*Teach and promote bullying awareness and anti-bullying. 

__________________

Tips For Concerned Parents or Family Members:

*Remain calm. Don’t let yourself become emotionally entangled into further conflict. Or blindly react, doing something you will regret later. At all times, be polite.

If you need to vent or express yourself, do so in a safe and trusted setting AWAY from the school, school meetings, staff, your ex partner, court etc. You may seek community support groups, DV support groups, divorce support group or consult with a trust friend, family, clergy etc.

*Bring a trusted person or attorney to witness and take notes during school meetings, conferences etc. Do not use this person to intimidate or scare the school staff or your ex partner. Again, be very professional and polite.

You may also consult with a domestic violence advocate, an education advocacy group or other related professional who offers help or assistance.

*Keep organized. Maintain a calendar to record communications or important events occurring at or with the school.  Keep all papers, reports, and contact information neatly organized and filed–easy to access.

*Stay connected to teachers; this is especially important if your ex partner is not communicating with you. Keep the focus on the child. If you are unsure about something, ask questions—don’t rush to judgment or assume.

Do not bombard the school with messages. Many schools offer ways to keep updated about your child, get to know the system in place and use it.

*If there is a Harassment or Order for Protection in place, let the school know and give them a copy of the order.

*When communicating with the school, keep your conversations and attention focused on the child.

*Be positive. Encourage your child in school. If you are able, be involved in their homework or attend school events. Meet their friends (and their parents). Try to make school a safe, welcoming environment that is free from conflict.

When you talk to teachers, keep your attention focused on the child. Ask questions if needed. Provide input, showing you listen and are willing to work together as a team.

*Don’t Assume or Rush to Conclusions. If you feel there is a misunderstanding with a teacher, don’t rush to conclusions, become emotional or take the defensive. Instead, find a time to talk about the issue, ask questions for more information. Let the teacher know you support your child and are asking so you can be better involved.

*If you feel your issue is not being resolved, you may speak to a supervisor, file a complaiont or seek the help of an educational advocacy group.

*If there are custody, domestic violence or legal issues happening, seek the appropriate professional to help–do not rely on the school to solve your personal issues or custody issues.

*Don’t make compromises or take risks that may endanger your safety.

*Follow all court orders. Seek appropriate legal help for any ongoing issues.

*Sometimes you do your best effort and it still seems like your child or the school is not responding and the relationship is still difficult. In these cases, separate acceptance of the situation and taking it personally. You can only do so much to maintain or repair a relationship. Your efforts are courageous. Don’t internalize a failed relationship with doubts, self-blame, anger, etc.

ANY MORE TIPS OR IDEAS? PLEASE SHARE AND DISCUSS IN THE COMMENTS! THANK YOU :-)

Anti-Bullying Activities & Lesson Plans: http://www.educationworld.com/a_special/bully.shtml

Mom’s Heart Unsilenced: Parental Alienation Educators, Tutors, Youth Leaders, Mentors- http://momsheartsunsilenced.com/educators-tutors-youth-leaders-mentors/

Mr. Custody Coach, “10 Top Ways to Fight Alienation”: http://www.mrcustodycoach.com/blog/10-top-ways-fight-parental-alienation

Parental Alienation Awareness: What is Alienation, How You Can Help Support a Child and his/her Rejected Parent: http://www.paawareness.org/Brochure/PAAOnewBrochure.pdf

Pt. 1 Get Educated About Alienation: How Parental Alienation Manifests in a School or Educational Setting

Pt. 2 Get Educated About Alienation: Examples of How Alienation Manifests in an Educational Setting

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Fix Me (Ricky Hil feat. Leona Lewis): A Song About Grief and Loss

A song about grief and loss… 

“Fix Me” by Ricky Hil and Leona Lewis is so deep and haunting…

“Fix Me” reminds me of what it is like to grieve the loss of my children. The loss is so deep, at times I can hardly breathe because the memories I hold in my heart are so heavy on my chest. 

“Will you fix me, will you show me how to breathe, Before all is gone and my hope is lost, baby…”

“Fix Me” also reminds me of the very real grief and loss experienced by a parent who has lost custody and/or been forcibly separated from a child(ren) due to an unjust family court or CPS/DHS order.  Parents who have been alienated from their children also experience similar emotions, and also go through a grieving process. The parent does go through the stages of grief, and will experience a range of emotions, these feelings are a valid response to what they have experienced. It does NOT make a parent crazy that they mourn the loss of a child even though that child is still alive…

“I am lost, I can’t find my way… You were gone, when I’m awake..”

The loss of the child(ren) is compounded by the injustice that parent may have experienced, and coerced secrecy. By “coerced secrecy” I mean that many parents are afraid to speak up or even share their grief with someone who can help because they fear further retaliation from the Court. Coerced Secrecy is the messages, threats, intimidation and actions that encourage secrecy, to remain silent out of fear that speaking up or raising concern will lead to real harm against you, or your children.

“I’m alone and it’s real, but I don’t know now.. My heart is all I have and my brains are wearing out…”

“Fix You” reminds me also the tremendous internal battle a grieving parent fights to survive loss and justice, to keep fighting for their child…to be able to try to live even when the most precious, most meaningful thing in your life–your child(ren) has been taken from you.

“And when I’m lost, can’t find my way, And when it’s lost, it finds me some way…”

Every parent has a different way of coping with grief and loss.  Friends and family play a tremendous role in offering comfort. There are also professional and community supports available. For me, my greatest source of strength and hope was through my faith in God. I also did alot of volunteer work in the community, channeling the energies I formally used as a mother into helping and serving others. Listening to music also became a positive outlet for me.

For those parents experiencing the loss of a child I have described, you are not alone. Nor are you broken beyond repair. The loss you are experiencing is real. But even greater than the loss and the pain, even greater than injustice, is the love you have for your children. Your fight for your child is not always fought in the courtroom, sometimes the battle is won in the person who takes a breathe even when it so hard to breathe. The person who reaches out for help after they have been coerced into secrecy. The person that says “I will live” even though their heart is breaking. That person is YOU.

– Emily Court/M21

To my children DJ & JJ, I love you with all of my heart. I pray for you every night. I pray that one day we can be a family again, that you will come home. Even though things are tough now, and I cannot see you, hope for the day you can come home keeps me strong. I thank God for you. And am so blessed to be your Mommy. You will be forever and always, my precious babies! <3 x <3

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Ten Types of Personality Disorder Comments (I Believe Mr. X Has Borderline Personality Disorder)

A must read article “The Ten Types of Personality Disorder” by Value Your Body helps you understand and identify the distinctive set of traits, behavior styles, and patterns of those afflicted with personality disorder. http://odyb.net/disorders/the-10-types-of-personality-disorder

Personality Disorder is a REAL and SERIOUS mental health condition that requires treatment. If left untreated, the personality disordered person’s quality of life is greatly diminished. Also, the personality disordered person can cause havoc and behave abusively towards family, friends or lash out against society.

MY STORY:     I survived a very abusive relationship and in my opinion, I believe Mr. X has Borderline Personality Disorder based on his behavior, and what I have read about BPD. The court ordered psych eval said Mr. X has a “personality disorder” but not did not specify.

Only when I pushed in court, did Mr. X seek one or two sessions of “counseling” then declared he is cured. It is doubtful the psychologist had access to Mr. X’s medical history (he frequently engages in doctor shopping) or the court ordered psych eval (the Guardian ad Litem JM has worked to suppress the eval in her goal to award Mr. X sole custody of the children). BPD is difficult to treat because often the patient denies they have a problem, and is not only resistant to treatment but will try to charm, con or outsmart the treating physician. 

Borderline Personality Disorder from Psych Central: 

“The main feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions. People with borderline personality disorder are also usually very impulsive, oftentimes demonstrating self-injurious behaviors…

Borderline personality disorder occurs in most by early adulthood. The unstable pattern of interacting with others has persisted for years and is usually closely related to the person’s self-image and early social interactions. The pattern is present in a variety of settings..”

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms/

Some personality disordered traits I have noticed in Mr. X:

*Lifelong history or behavioral pattern of addictive behavior, having multiple types of addiction

*Has a belief that it is “me against the world”. You are either on his side or the enemy, period.

*Believes his life is an epic battle of “good vs. evil” and that the world does not understand him, and that only specially chosen people understand who he really is, and are meant to be in his life to help win this war, on his side. If Mr. X feels that you are no longer one of the specially chosen, he will quickly and brutally discard you with no emotion, regard or second thought to any relationship you once shared.

“Grumpy Man 1880′s, Karen at Graphics Fairy

 

*Due to his beliefs and attitudes, Mr. X cannot work with other people or socialize normally.

a) He cannot hold a regular job. He is self-employed and his business practices are chaotic. In dealing with the public he is dishonest (“con” man) and manipulates people to his advantage. He displays predatory behavior in his business practices. He feels the whole world should revolve around his needs and desires, and if it does not then something is wrong with the other person or he is a victim. 

b)He does not have any close friends, again uses people or just prefers to be alone. He also thinks he is smarter than everyone else, and has to maneuver around people who are trying to hurt him (aka I will get you first before you get me).

*Mr. X has a long history of developing close relationships with vulnerable young girls, barely out of their teens, and in my opinion seeks the company of young, vulnerable girls rather than adult women. Mr. X has the same pathological pattern for dealing with these young girls, this goes back many years, it is a lifelong pattern.
It is my opinion that Mr. X chooses young girls because they are easier to mold and shape. The girls are more dependent, and have less experience in the real world. And Mr. X gains satisfaction from being able to “rescue” the girl and playing the “super hero”. If she steps out of line, he will forced her back into submission through violence, threats and intimidation.


*Multi-generational family history of abuse and dysfunction– mental and physical abuse, alcoholism, mental illness etc

*Long history of criminal convictions and civil charges, the rules and laws of society do not apply to him. 

Even when my children describe what how Mr. X treats a police officer when he gets a speeding ticket is disturbing because my kids are learning to manipulate, that the law doesn’t mean anything if you can learn how to get around it. My kids tell me that, “Mom if I look like this (makes sad face) and give ‘em the big, brown eyes that Dad won’t get a ticket when he is speeding.” And, “Mom guess what, Dad was pulled over for speeding! He told the cop his high heels made him do it. And that was not true. But he believed it anyways! (ha, ha, laughing)”

*Married an African woman only so that she can get a green card. He was married when he met me and did not even tell me. He was married when our kids were born and did not even tell me. For someone to carry off that sophisticated level of deception for so long is remarkable. Yes, Family Court and the Guardian was aware of this, and felt this was not a “red flag” for abusive behavior, and vocalized strong support of Mr. X.

*Was committed by the state to an institution and told bizarre stories about how he lied to the treating doctors so they would hear good things, and he could be released earlier. Mr. X also said when he was locked up in the hospital, he managed to escape, which meant fleeing the state and living as a fugitive for many years. The family court judge and Guardian ad Litem JM were aware of his active warrants when Mr. X was awarded sole custody.

booking2

*Capable of high levels of deception. You never know his true thoughts or feelings.
*Is a chameleon–will change his feelings and appearance to play other people, or to hide his true motivations.
*Plays poker (gambling addiction) and prides himself on fooling people. Prides himself on tricking people to do things they would not ordinarily do.

*When feeling threatened or stressed, will go into extreme fits of rage. My daughter told me that she wants to give “dad’ a deer target for Christmas because “he can take his rages out on that”

*The rages are followed by calm, unemotional states. He is perfectly fine when you are afraid, sad, upset or hurt. He does not understand your feelings and expects you to be fine and happy too. 
*Avoids responsibility– blames, threatens or intimidates others to take responsible. Then portrays himself as the “victim”.
*When he is caught and cannot deny his actions or under extreme stress, Mr. X may
a) go into a paranoid/schizotypal state lasting days, weeks or months
b) become unstable or violent
c) completely changes his persona and character and change into someone else
*Uses my children as pawns in his war against me. Is alienating the children against me. Has made my child afraid to come home. Has obstructed phone calls between the children and I. I was not even allowed to be with my children on Mother’s Day.

*Completely indifferent to the best interests of my children or the wishes of the children (parental alienation). Shows not remorse or emotional empathy when the children grieve the loss of their mother and entire maternal family, instead works to further separate me from the children in any way he can. 
*Has manipulated, lied and charmed people (triangulation) to spread lies and false allegations against me. Feels he is justified in doing so because he is the “victim”.

*Filed false reports with police, doctors, school and family court. 

*Shows no remorse for actions and choices that hurt other people. In fact, I don’t ever remember Mr. X apologizing for anyone. Mr. X believes his actions–any actions–are justified because he is involved in an epic battle of “me against the world” or that he is being “victimized”.  

*Has abused both me and my children. As a result of abuse, the kids and I were homeless for 18 mos

*Has begun to spread his bizarre and dysfunctional beliefs to my children, at times frightening them.
*The mental and physical abuse on my children is so severe that they both have emotional and behavioral problems.
*Mr. X  is responsible for the death of the family pet, a cat


*Stole my family history albums going back to the 1800’s to take revenge on me, and I had to go to court to get them back.

*Talks negatively about his own family, and makes negative comments and remarks about everyone in his family–his mother, father, cousins, everyone. He compares his mother to Joan Crawford in “Mommie Dearest”. Mr. X expected me to also hate my family and make him the ONLY part of my family, excluding everyone else. If Mr. X needed or wanted something, he would tolerate or manipulate his family for that reason only. Mr. X told me over and over again that he wanted to move to another state to get away from his family. But if the family has something he wants–he will appear to be nice, funny, even love-able to elicit sympathy, money, support–whatever
*Stalked me online, impersonated me online and broke into my e-mail accounts. Was watching me for months and I did not even know.

There is so much more…. but you get the idea. It is horrific that family court gave sole custody of my beautiful children to this man! They are not safe!

I truly believe that if you compared our two psych evals side by side, you could see who is the abuser, who has dominated and controlled the family, and other patterns evident in our relationship.

Thanks Value Your Body for posting this insightful article!

–Emily/M21

“Mask” uploaded to Photo Bucket by Lynn_Diabetes

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Why I Support “A Call to Action” – Complaints against Jamie Manning

I heard about this new group forming, A Call to Action, and for the first time in a very long time, I have hope.

Please share, pass around and spread the word about this courageous group of parents fighting to hold Jamie Manning, Guardian ad Litem (4th Judicial District, Hennepin County, Minnesota) accountable for actions that have harmed the children she is supposed to protect, and has devastated their families.

A Call to Action: Read Our Stories & Follow Our Cause athttp://parentingabusedkids.wordpress.com/call-to-action-c2a/

Read about the History of A Call to Action at: http://parentingabusedkids.wordpress.com/2009/06/05/maryland-guardiaadlitem/

Contact A Call to Action: VictimsOfManning@Hotmail.com or contact pakcomments@live.com for information on how you can join, updates and events. Please put “A Call to Action” in the header.

My Experience in Hennepin County FJC with Jamie Manning

FJC

My child custody case has been ongoing in Hennepin County since 2006, with Jamie Manning appointed as Guardian ad Litem from 2007 to 2013. I will be filing a motion soon and fear what will happen if Ms. Manning is re-appointed to my case. I fear for the safety and well-being of my two children.

Throughout her appointment, Ms. Manning has failed to perform the statutory responsibilities of a guardian ad litem, as described in Minnesota Statutes Section 518.165. Ms. Manning’s conduct and actions are so egregious that she has directly contributed to the ongoing physical and mental abuse of my children, and contributed to the declining mental health of my oldest son—who at one time was suicidal after Ms. Manning recommended custody to his alleged abuser. I have documentation and evidence to support my complaint, which I can provide upon request, and which has also been posted on FCI.

My children have been through so much—abuse from their father, homelessness and now forced separation from the mother who was once a stay at home mom, the primary source of love and stability in their lives. Ms. Manning’s recommendations are beyond comprehension. Ms. Manning recommended sole custody to Mr. X who was a wanted fugitive at the time of the order, has a long history of anti-social behavior including criminal charges and various addictions. The children and I became homeless after Mr. X attacked me, an incident both children witnessed, and threw us out on the street where we were homeless for 18 months. Mr. X, then 42, was carrying on a strange relationship with his first cousin, Michelle Evills, who was only 17. While we were homeless, Mr. X encouraged Michelle to run away from home so they could “be in love, together, forever” and has been living with her ever since. Michelle has recently purchased a home for Mr. X and my children to live in, and now tells people that she is the mother and legal guardian of my children, which is untrue. Michelle has also emotionally and physically abused my oldest son, and neglected him—and this child has special needs, and requires special care. Ms. Manning reported to the Court that Mr. X can provide better care for my children, even while the children are reporting abuse and both suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My son’s symptoms were so severe that he had to be hospitalized, in-patient, several times. During his hospitalization he said over and over things like “I learned my tantrums from Dad” and “I want to be the boss like Dad” and made various allegations of physical and emotional abuse. And this is the man Ms. Manning recommended sole custody to, and even helped him after he was arrested on the open warrants in 2013.

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I survived an abusive relationship only to be re-traumatized in the court process. My custody case has been ongoing since 2006, it has a long, painful process that has literally ripped my children from my arms and given sole custody to an alleged abuser. Currently I only get to see my children one time a month, and Mr. X is alienating me from my children so there no contact or communication with the children other than the one visit.

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How did this happen? Throughout her appointment, Ms. Manning has made false and heresy statements, manipulated the legal process, shown considerable bias and refused to contact witnesses or gather information needed to make an informed recommendation about child custody and visitation. I feel like Ms. Manning has waged a personal war against me. Ms. Manning has lied, invented evidence and covered up serious allegations of abuse against my children. Ms. Manning has lied to CPS so they would close an open investigation. Ms. Manning has made representations from professionals that were untrue. Ms. Manning has also violated several custody and parenting time orders to give Mr. X visitation that is outside the court order, and when I object, I am threatened or intimidated with loss of custody and/or parenting time. Ms. Manning has failed to contact important witnesses or gather collateral information needed to make a complete report. Often Ms. Manning is completing her reports at the last minute, and will give me the report minutes before I walk into Court.  There is so much I could say… My children have continued to be abused and put at risk of harm—and I believe Ms. Manning has directly contributed to their suffering.

My children have been traumatized and will carry lifelong scars. To be honest, I fear that my oldest son DJ may never fully recover because he is so emotionally and psychologically damaged. My daughter JJ holds in all of her true feelings and thoughts, she has begun to act out in ways that are self destructive and her behavior leads people to believe something is wrong with her, when the truth is that she is just a very hurt, grieving, little girl. Both of my children want to come home, but they can’t. My youngest son, RJ who is just a toddler, who was not a party to this custody case, wanders around the house asking for his brother and sister. He does not understand why they cannot come home. RJ sits in the room he shares with his brother, playing with trains and imagining DJ is there. We deal with the pain and loss every day. And that cannot even compare to what DJ and JJ are experiencing, living in a dysfunctional and unsafe environment.

No parent should have to live the nightmare that is my life—my children deserve to be safe, happy and live a life free of abuse. As a Guardian Ms. Manning has completely failed to do her job. I strongly urge those handling the complaints against Ms. Manning to please listen to the stories of the families involved with an open mind, review our documentation and evidence, and when proven that Ms. Manning has violated the Rules of Procedure, she should be relieved of her position. http://mn.gov/guardian-ad-litem/images/GAL%2520Rules.pdf

I fully support A Call to Action, and encourage any other parent or concerned family member that has been affected by the rulings of Ms. Jamie Manning to contact A Call to Action, you are not alone. Your complaint deserves to be heard. And your children deserve to be protected.

A Call to Action:http://parentingabusedkids.wordpress.com/call-to-action-c2a/

Read about the History and Stories Behind A Call to Action at: http://parentingabusedkids.wordpress.com/2009/06/05/maryland-guardiaadlitem/

Contact A Call to Action: VictimsOfManning@Hotmail.com or contact pakcomments@live.com for information on how you can join, updates and events. Please put “A Call to Action” in the header.

- Emily Court/M21

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Posted in Abuse Allegations & Documentation, Family Court Injustice, Family Court News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Call to Action ~ Parents Working Together To Hold GAL Accountable

Found this in a web search…  please pass around and share! Brave parents coming together to raise awareness of an abusive Guardian ad Litem, and working together to raise complaints and hold her accountable. 

CONTACT: Email “Call to Action” at VictimsOfManning@Hotmail.com or contact pakcomments@live.com for information on how you can join, updates and events. Please put “A Call to Action” in the header.

Call to Action ~ Together We Are Stronger (C2A).

Parenting Abused Children created this page due to the overwhelming comments and concerns raised about Hennepin County, 4th Judicial District, Guardian ad Litem, Jamie L. Manning. These comments followed a post, and have continued for several years in which numerous parents reported allegations of misconduct, bias, false reporting, verbal abuse and other violations of the Rules of Conduct by Ms. Manning. The parents have joined together to support each other forming the group “A Call to Action ~ Together We Are Stronger”.

A Call to Action ~ Together We Are Stronger” is a group of concerned parents and family members who are joining together to offer support to victims negatively impacted Jamie Manning, Guardian ad Litem. All of the parents involved have had divorce or custody cases and all experienced an adverse impact on their family, personal lives and most important—the well-being of their children—due to the actions or inactions and recommendations of Ms. Manning.

Serious issues are being raised– involving the care, safety and well-being of our children due to Ms. Manning’s unprofessionalism and reckless disregard to perform the statutory responsibilities of a guardian ad litem (as detailed in Minnesota Statutes Section 518.165). Often, when the parents begin to talk, they find similarities in their experiences with Ms. Manning, and her alleged abuses of power; it is startling to hear people who come from different backgrounds, and who live in different communities, and who have never met before tell almost the exact same story. The damage inflicted on the children is most concerning: that children are not being protected from abuse and harm, that children are suffering severe psychological and physical injury as a result and fit, loving parents are forcibly separated from the children they are trying to protect. The allegations against Ms. Manning indicate a crisis is happening within the Hennepin County Family Court system—immediate action is required to protect children, and to secure help for those children who have already been damaged. And parents who have unfairly lost custody or rights to their children, deserve justice.

Ms. Manning’s actions also undermine the credibility and purpose of the Guardian ad Litem program. The ethical lapses and professional deficiencies of Ms. Manning not only endanger children, and hurt families, but also undermine the public trust in the Hennepin County Guardian ad Litem Program. “A Call to Action” supports the mission and purpose of the Guardian ad Litem Program to advocate for children in court. Many Guardian ad Litems are volunteers, and we applaud how freely they have given their time and dedication to the children they serve. The Guardian ad Litem program was created to protect, advocate and give a voice to vulnerable children; it is a necessary program that, when used properly, truly does work for the best interest of children. In the words of Alan F. Abramowitz (Executive Director, Florida Guardian ad Litem Program),“The Gold Standard for GAL: Standards to inspire and empower volunteers and staff to say, ‘I am for the Child.’..(their) commitment and dedication (is) to ensure children’s voices are heard and children have someone in their corner fighting for them.” “A Call to Action” recognizes the concerns and allegations raised about Ms. Manning do not and should not represent the Guardian ad Litem Program as a whole.

“A Call to Action” is a growing movement that is demanding action to investigate complaints against Ms. Jamie L. Manning, and hold her accountable under the laws and remedies available. The Guardian ad Litem role is defined by statute, (518.165) and guardians operating within the statute are provided immunity. Ms. Manning routinely steps outside that statute and as such, should not be afforded immunity. However, many parents report that attempts to resolve concerns about Ms. Manning, made either by filing a formal complaint with the Program Manager or filing a complaint through the court process, has not resolved the issues, and in some case, have made things worse as they faced retaliation for voicing concerns. “A Call to Action” will not be deterred from our goal to have our complaints heard and the evidence and information presented; and we urge those in a position to help to take seriously the alleged malfeasance, to appoint an independent evaluator on a case by case basis to validate critical information and when we are able to prove our allegations beyond all doubt, to relieve Ms. Manning of her position.

We Need ACTION and NOW IS THE TIME

The safety and well being of our children is our number one priority! Join “A Call to Action ~ Together We Are Stronger” to take part in our growing movement of concerned parents and family members working together to expose Ms. Manning and demand justice for our families.

Email “Call to Action” at VictimsOfManning@Hotmail.com or contact this blog at pakcomments@live.com for information on how you can join, updates and events. Please put “A Call to Action” in the header. Updates will also be included on this page.

“A Call to Action” and PAK respect the wishes of those wanting to remain anonymous, and will not disclose information. Similarly, “A Call to Action” and PAK will maintain the confidentiality and personal information of all those coming forward, unless expressly permitted to disclose or share information. All names and emails will be kept confidential. If you say specifically in your email that it is OK to do so your name and contact info will be shared with only with the Group for news and informational updates. Thanks in advance for your involvement

*** DISCLAIMER ***

This is a joint disclaimer that applies for use of this blog, “Parenting Abused Children” aka “PAK” and the group “A Call to Action ~ Together We Are Stronger” in their participation on this blog.

Parenting Abused Children is in contact with “A Call to Action ~ Together We Are Stronger” and supports their efforts to hold Ms. Manning accountable for her actions by demanding justice through the available legal channels.

PAK and “A Call to Action” acknowledges that as of yet, Ms. Manning has not been formally charged nor convicted of any wrongdoing or criminal act. The information contained within this website is of general nature and intended for information purposes for participants taking part in discussions and projects related to “A Call to Action”. Events may change circumstances or information at any time that may affect the accuracy or completeness of the information presented on PAK or the “A Call to Action” page. PAK and “A Call to Action” has taken reasonable measures to present the content on this page, however, we do not accept responsibility for any loss, expense or liability that you may incur from using or relying on the information sourced from this website, or by contacting “A Call to Action”. Please proceed at your own risk and discretion. This blog cannot offer legal advise, please consult with a qualified professional with your questions or concerns. The comments and thoughts posted on PAK and the “A Call to Action” page represent the opinions, interests and thoughts of their individual author alone. PAK reserves the right to remove comments that may be offensive, abusive or otherwise inappropriate.

Posted in Family Court Injustice, Family Court News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments