“Held” by Natalie Grant – Encouraging Song

“This is what it means to be held, How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life, And you survive..”

The song “Held” by Natalie Grant is a powerful song about God’s love holding and sustaining us through unspeakable pain.


Two months is too little, they let him go

They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We’re asking why this happens to us

Who have died to live, it’s unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
W’ed be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
W’ed be held


Published by
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., MIKE CURB MUSIC

Read more: Natalie Grant – Held Lyrics | MetroLyrics

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Emotional Abuse and Alienation: Throwing a Punch That Can Be Felt Miles Away


Today I was supposed to spend time with my 2 beautiful children. I am grieving the loss of my children, and what could have been… 

The alarm on my phone beeps, indicating there is 30 minutes before the event begins. I push the silence button. There is too much silence – there is dust gathering on the turrets of a pink castle, the home to my daughter’s toy dolls. A pile of clothes lies forgotten in my son’s bedroom. He has outgrown most of the clothes without even wearing them. A frying pan sits on the stove, it is a pool of blackness where meat once sizzled, and fried rice sauteed in fragrant spices. I close my eyes, and sleep in silence. There are no children to tell bedtime stories to, or say prayers together. I wake up to silence. There are no children to make breakfast for. No children to help get ready for school. Their clothes go unused in the dresser, as time passes, the color fades and the clothing goes out of style. The home that was once filled with the happy laughter of children is now silent.

My kids were looking forward to attending a special event at church. This event is held only once a year, and when my children saw a flyer about it they were excited to go. We had been planning this event for months. The event is also special because it would allow my kids to volunteer, and help people in need. Due to the abusive and controlling behavior of Mr. X, my children will not be visiting me today, and will not be attending the event. I can not go to the event alone, and without my children… my heart is thudding in my chest as I write, trying to resist the sadness that is racing through my bloodstream, threatening to consume me. No matter how strong I try to be, or how optimistic, there is always a current of grief in my life – the aching loss of my children. 


Emotional and psychological abuse is like a throwing a punch that can be felt miles away, inflicting bruises without physical contact. The emotional abuse started as soon as Mr. X discovered that I wanted to attend this event with the children, and that the children were looking forward to it. Since Judge Robben limited my parenting time to just one visit a month, Mr. X has complete and total control of when I see my children outside of that one visit. Judge Robben justified the one visit a month, and said it meets the statutory minimum of parenting time (it does not!) because Mr. X does allow some additional parenting time. Judge Robben is basically empowering Mr. X to continue to abuse me (Domestic Violence by Proxy), and to subject the children to emotional and psychological abuse as well as the intentional deprivation of their mother. My children now suffer from severe, and debilitating, emotional and behavioral problems and will likely be scarred for life. 

This is what Mr. X does, how the emotional abuse manifests – I will write an e-mail or leave a text messages (he does not talk to me on the phone, and will not answer calls or return messages) asking for additional parenting time. Mr. X will refuse to respond. Weeks will go by with no answer. As the time of the event nears, I will try again to ask if the kids can come to the event. Every time my phone signals a text message, I am on high alert hoping… I scan my e-mail in anticipation but the inbox is empty. The excitement and hope of seeing my children is followed by rejection, and the silent treatment. I struggle against associating hope with pain. My children have given up, and basically assume that they will not see me, and have stopped looking forward to coming home (this is a symptom of parental alienation).

Mr. X will finally get back to me — usually at the last minute. In this case, he said that my children could come to the event, and told me that I can have them for a visit on Saturday. Then Mr. X refuses to give me a time for when I can pick the kids up. This will go on for several more days — ignoring my text messages, no response or communication, and so I cannot plan an even or even count on seeing the children. One simple request to have additional parenting time has stretched out to a week of Mr. X playing mind games, and inflicting emotional abuse. My nerves are frazzled. I alternate between hoping I will be able to see my children, and giving up. I can never really give up, these are my babies. I can not imagine what my children are experiencing, and can do nothing to protect them from this emotional assault.

After about 5 days of this mental torture — torture because the love you have for your children, and the excitement of seeing them is being used as a weapon to hurt you — Mr. X will text me back but his answer is vague or noncommittal. Still no plans are set. Mr. X then tells me that my oldest son DJ has other plans for the day. This is an alienation tactic – encouraging the child to attend other events during scheduled parenting time with the targeted parent. Another thing Mr. X does is make the plans so complicated that I cannot comply with his requests. In this instance, Mr. X was asking me to do an extraordinary amount of driving to meet his various requests, the driving Mr. X asked me to do would total to about 2 1/2 hours of my visit. When I offer a compromise, or ask for something different, Mr. X either refuses to respond or refuses to work with me. And in the end I have to comply to his ridiculous, and harmful requests in order to see my children. Or not see my children at all.

When I asked for a compromise Mr. X refused to respond at all. In silence I watch the clock tick by, minute by minute there is no reply. And I will not see my children today. There is no answer or explanation for this. Only silence. And I know my children are hurting, and wondering what happened. Wondering why Mom did not come to pick them up. Wondering why they cannot go to the event. They have been waiting for weeks to go to the event… and there is no answer. I cannot talk to my children. Or hug them. Or explain why. Mr. X is inflicting real pain and suffering on my children. And the Hennepin County Family Court, along with Judge Robben and GAL Jamie Manning, is allowing this abuse to continue.


I am grieving the loss of my children today. I spent the whole week preparing. My fridge is full of food for the dinner I wanted to make. And my heart is full of tears for what could have been. I miss my daughter’s smiling face, and sarcastic humor (so much like mine!). I miss my son showing me video games, and singing to Monstercats. I miss the kids playing together. I miss being a mother.
I will never get over this loss. I will never move on. I will fight with all my strength for justice in the family courts. No child should be forced to live without one parent. And no child should be forced to live in an unsafe or dysfunctional home. 

I am a fit, loving parent who just wants to be a mother to my children. Hennepin County Family Court will not allow that to happen – instead of preserving the family, the Court is destroying mine. 

~ Emily Court, 2015


A Protective Parent is a fit, loving parent who has lost custody of a child due to injustice and systemic failures in family court. Protective Parents are called “protective” because they are punished by the family court for raising concerns about domestic violence or child abuse. Protective Parents work to keep their children safe, and work to maintain a presence in their children’s lives despite the enormous challenges against them. The blue ribbon is for child abuse awareness, the purple ribbon is for domestic violence awareness. 

Posted in Abuse Allegations & Documentation, Child Abuse, Family Court Injustice, Judge Robben, Our Family Albulm, Parental Alienation/DV by Proxy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Enough of No Love, Enough of No Justice (Keyshia Cole Video, Commentary)

Recent comments from Bill Windsor, about the family courts falsely labeling women who raise abuse allegations in family court, prompted me to think about my own experiences with the same..

The video “Enough of No Love” by Keyshia Cole has always reminded me of how the Hennepin County Family Court (and most recently Judge Patrick Robben, who is not a psychologist and certainly should not be diagnosing any litigant as “mentally ill”) attempted to portray me as crazy in order to discredit the abuse allegations I have raised. The Court needs to say that I am crazy in order to justify giving such a dysfunctional, unsafe person custody of two vulnerable children (who still struggle while in his care).

Cuz I can’t stay here, if there is no love... ”

“Enough of No Love” is a powerful video that to me, expresses, much of what I have endured in the continued domestic assault endured in family court, which takes on many forms including harassment, defamation, legal abuse and abuses of the psychiatric or mental health practice. To be honest, I do not really care for the explicit lyrics of the song, so maybe turn the volume down and just watch.

The video begins with Keyshia Cole in a beautiful bride’s dress with sparkling black shoes, her world is being turned upside down, and she finds herself in a padded room, struggling to make sense of what has happened to her life. The scene changes angles rhythmically, like a monarch folding and unfolding its wings in flight. Keyshia covers her arms over her head, curls into the fetal position, an indicator of trauma. The scene turns again and again, evoking the image of a shattered heart, or a shattered mind.

There is a brief moment of darkness, then the violins swell and a golden light fills the room – as the past is brought into focus. Long stemmed roses, beautiful jewelry, expensive shoes are flung through the air. The idealized romance every girl dreams of, horribly gone wrong.

The scene flashes between Keyshia fighting for her sanity in the padded room, and the hip, confident woman standing in the gold room. A contrast of who she once was, and who she became after the heartbreak and betrayal of a bad relationship.  The items continue to fly, now into a suitcase, symbolizing freedom.

Keyshia sings, “I admit that you almost had me, I admit I was almost crazy..

Keyshia’s internal struggle is depicted in a collage of images: Beating her fists against the walls of the padded room. Her emotions released in soulful notes. The silhouette of a man, standing in front of a window, a glowing red light falling on his form. Shadowy high heels walking down a dark hallway, a door is slightly ajar, a man sits on the bed. Will she go inside towards the man or just walk away?

Can’t say I’m not hurt, I’ll be damned if I’m broken…Cause I-I can’t stay here, if there’s no love. Yeah I-I can’t stay here, cause I’ve had enough. Enough of no love, enough of no love. No love!

Another interesting aspect of this song and video, is that when Keyshia is hurt (or traumatized) she struggles with destructive thoughts, wanting to lash out in anger or do something to vindicate herself. 

And I admit that I thought about creeping, So you could get a dose of how I feel. Cause our hearts can never seem to break even. But what’s the use I’d rather pack it up and leaving. Cause here we are again, cause you’re wrong again..

Now that is truth. People who are abused, betrayed, and hurt at a deep level do suffer from a trauma – a real emotional and psychological injury. When people are in that fragile and broken state, they may have conflicting thoughts or display behaviors that are not normally seen. With time, and given the right support or help, the person will usually heal (maybe never completely) or resume to a more normal life. But if the trauma is inflicted again and again, or the person is not allowed heal, the wounding continues.

This is exactly what happens in family court. When the courts fail to recognize domestic violence, child abuse, sexual abuse, family dysfunction, the wounding continues.  Court professionals who do not understand, and are not trained, to recognize the signs and symptoms of abuse and trauma inevitably re-traumatize the victim. A secondary trauma happens when judges, attorneys and court officers make decisions that put parents and families at risk of harm. Or fail to recognize the abuse and falsely label the person with mental illness, parental alienation, failure to co-parent (etc). Another thing that commonly happens is that the abuser or the dysfunctional parent is not held accountable, and is favored by the court. While the victim, and the children, are blamed for being the cause of the problems in the family. The “problem” is reporting abuse or concerning behavior, or a child not doing well (or refusing to visit) an abusive parent.

Then the psychiatric abuse, perpetrated through the legal system, begins – the false diagnosis, the forced therapy, committing a parent without cause or due process, imposing threat therapy on children, allowing untrained professionals to treat children and families. These abuses happen because the victims are discredited by the court system (or even by CPS), and not believed, once labelled as “mentally ill”. There is also a serious lack of accountability in the court system. Not to mention that the court professionals hide, conceal, and conspire to cover up, remove or destroy evidence that would indicate that abuse has happened.

The part of the video with Keyshia running down a hallway where all the doors are shut, and she comes to the closed door, feels trapped and turns her head with a pained look on her face.. reminds me of that struggle in family court. Before litigation began, I just wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother. That dreamed ended when the abuse began. I was isolated from the world, controlled, and whether I had a good day or a bad day was based on the mood of “Mr. X”.

I fled the abuse, and fought to rebuild my life. I secured new housing. I was the primary caregiver of my children. I volunteered in my community, taught Sunday school. And for the first time I could discover what it meant to be “me”. But the control, the rage continued..the hallway of shut doors is family court.

Through the family court system my abuser has been enabled by the co-abusers: judges, GALs, psychologists, attorneys, etc Once again I find myself in the realm of his control, now exerted through his power over my children, and his ability to influence my relationship with my children. The Family Court decided that I had not “proven” to their satisfaction that domestic violence had occurred. Being physically assaulted and thrown out of your home with two young children, apparently does not meet the criteria. And since the Court decided that there is no domestic violence, that also meant any concerns about what happened in our home, and the abuse now inflicted on my children was not valid but rather a manifestation of my illness. Time and time again, Hennepin County 4th Judicial Family Court has covered up allegations and documentation of physical, mental and even sexual abuse of my children. The Court has intentionally ignored the severe emotional, psychological and acting out behaviors present in my children. The Court has dismissed credible evidence, a forensic report, witness statements. The Court has even rejected credible evidence and instead relied on the perjured testimony of my abuser. And I am told that I am crazy for trying to protect my children, and keep them safe. Where is the justice? I cannot find it anywhere, I am trapped in the hallway of closed doors.

In the last scenes of this video, Keyshia confronts the shattered aspects of her self, and the wreck that has become her life. Those fragments are symbolized as the dancers, whose movements suggest they are fighting back, and alternately crouched on the ground in a fetal position. In once scene, Keyshia goes chest to chest with ‘Lil Wayne, asserting herself, “I can’t stay here ‘cuz I’ve had enough, enough of no love.” The lighting changes from gray to red to black, the suitcase explodes, the scene becomes blurry… images of the padded room flicker again as a delicate monarch.


What will Keyshia decide? To stay in this dysfunctional relationship, or to break free and step into the life she was meant to have?

The scene goes black. We see Keyshia again in her frilly white wedding gown crouched on the floor of the padded room, her fist clenched.

I have found myself in that same position. Feeling beaten down. My heart broken. The tremendous loss of my children was so great that I could hardly breathe. The times I wanted to fall in bed but the pillow smelled like my daughter, and I was up all night remembering the times we giggled together, or the special conversations we shared, and in those dreams I felt my daughter so close to me that I woke up saying her name, only to have the chill of night grasp my fingers. And in the darkness was the devastating realization: My children were not coming home. My children were placed in the custody of their abusive father, who is having an incest relationship with a first cousin. The cousin is telling people that she is the mother of my children. I remembered the anguished cries when my daughter was about to reveal something and my son told her “Don’t tell Mom!” Or the fear in my son’s eyes when he came home with a bite mark in his skin, a full set of teeth indented into his soft tissue. Or the time my son cried because “Daddy took the door off my room because I was bad”. My son was humiliated, and afraid to get dressed in his own bedroom. And yet the Hennepin County Family Court told me that this man was a good father, someone they would recommend for sole custody. While I just get one visit a month – no overnight visits, no holiday visits, no vacation time. I will have to go to my abuser for additional time with my children and again he will control and belittle me. Hennepin County Family Court has rejected my motions for additional parenting time for over 5 years, and Judge Robben has even punished me for asking for additional parenting time by ordering me to pay attorney’s fees to my abuser’s attorney. This attorney has contributed to the suffering of my children, and depleted any money their father could provide towards their future or college fund… and yet he is so greedy that this attorney has to now seek what little pennies are left from me. 

In those moments of painful realization, I clench my fist just as Keyshia did and vow to fight…because even in my brokenness, I am all that my children have of sanity.

~ Emily Court, 2015

“I admit that you almost had me,
I admit I was almost crazy..

Can’t say I’m not hurt.
I’ll be damned if I’m broken,

Enough of no love, enough of no love
No love!”


“Enough of No Love” by Keyshia Cole feat. ‘Lil Wayne (YouTube): Enough of No Love

“Enough of No Love Lyrics” AZ Lyrics

Bill Windsor (Lawless America) : “Family Courts Put Wonderful Mothers in Insane Asylums”






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Bill Windsor (Lawless America) : “Family Courts Put Wonderful Mothers in Insane Asylums”

 I have always said… Family Court is Legally Insane!
On Nov. 11, 2015, Bill Windsor posted the following message:
Bill Windsor, Producer and Director of “Lawless America…The Movie”, is going to write a big article about what’s wrong with family courts and the proposals of the Lawless America family to alleviate most of the problems.


The Family Courts in America are horribly broken. It is a great big money machine. And the victims are children, mothers, fathers, grandparents, and families.

Maybe some fathers get sent to Insane Asylums, but I have never heard of one — only mothers who are not crazy as far as I can tell. Psychiatrists get paid a fortune for doing court-ordered psychological evaluations. Who can believe that so many women who get into custody battles are automatically deemed unstable enough to need a psych eval? I don’t believe it for a second.

I personally have interviewed absolutely wonderful, normal mothers who have been put through this HELL.

The only thing insane is this criminal racketeering enterprise disguised as Family Court.

The jails are full of people waiting to stand trial, and the prisons are full of people with medical problems (drugs and alcohol). Mental institutions are apparently filled with mothers who simply want to protect their children.

If all the mothers would join together, they could fix this. I recommend PMA – Protective Mothers Alliance. There are just as many bogus “mother’s groups” as there are bad judges. I know Janice Levinson and PMA, and I know they have the right intentions.

Ask people you come in contact with if they realized that local courts were putting mothers into Insane Asylums when they are involved in a custody battle. The average person will be shocked.

Then ask them if they were aware that government “officials” routinely strip parents of their parental rights — take their name(s) off their children’s birth certificates.

Only in in Lawless America.

Fathers get victimized as much as mothers in Family Court. Very often, it is the mother (ex-wife) who lies her a$$ off to screw the Dad. Testilying is a disease in courts worse than Ebola. The vindictiveness of mothers against fathers and fathers against mothers is sickening.

Fathers get sent to jail for non-payment of child support. Sorry, but I don’t think that should be a crime. Fathers and mothers should pay fair child support as long as they have the ability, but they shouldn’t go to prison if they can’t pay.

We need jury trials in Family Court. Take the power to destroy lives out of the hands of a single, easily-corrupted judge, and put that power in the hands of a jury composed of half men and half women.

Written by Bill Windsor, Producer and Director of “Lawless America…The Movie”.

Here is a video in which Bill Windsor presents Proposed Legislation for Family Courtshttps://youtu.be/mWWA2FXyEU4

Seems there is a shortage of places to care for the real mentally illhttp://www.sctimes.com/…/resources-strained-menta…/32474905/

Bill Windsor knows lawlessness and corruption first-hand. Here’s a summary of his storyhttp://lawlessamerica.com/index.php

Photo copyright pennsylvaniadiscussion.forumotion.com

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Fox 9 News Report: Last Known Footage of Rucki Girls

Emily Court:

Please let us live with our mom, and enjoy the rest of my childhood.
– Gianna [who never got her wish and is still in hiding with her sister Samantha]

Fox 9 News Report on Sandra “Sam” Grazzini Rucki custody case.

This footage from May 2013 is the last known sighting of the Rucki girls speaking about alleged abuse at the hands of their father. Samantha and Gianna say they ran away because of the abuse. This footage was filmed after the girls ran away from home while in the custody of a paternal aunt. The aunt allegedly has a history of drug abuse, and lost custody of her own children due to maltreatment. Both girls have expressed that they did not feel safe in the care of the aunt. The aunt has also allowed the allegedly abusive father to enter the home, where the children were staying under the guise of “doing repairs”. If the girls truly were afraid, seeing their father in the home may have triggered them to run away.

Sandra Grazzini Rucki is an outspoken advocate for family court reform. Sandra Grazzini Rucki told her story to the Minnesota State Guardian ad Litem Board, and included supporting documentation including letters from her children, to demonstrate failures in the Guardian ad Litem program that led to her children being placed in the care and custody of an abusive or unsafe guardian. Sandra asked for reform, including that the Board improve the complaint procedure against the GALs.

Samantha (17) and Gianna Rucki (15) are still missing. Sandra Grazzini Rucki has been charged with 3 counts of felony parental deprivation in connection with their disappearance. David Rucki, father, denies any abuse has happened.

Originally posted on Sharon4Andersonblog:

View original

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Owoidighe Ekanem Rapes Teenager on Child’s Booster Seat – Was He Allowed Unsupervised Visits with his Children?

Owoidighe Ekanem, source Northland News Center/ http://www.northlandsnewscenter.com

Minnesota, October 2015: Owoidighe Isongitiat Ekanem or “E.K.” (DOB 11/08/1980) faces felony charges for  two counts of first degree criminal sexual conduct, one count of kidnapping and one count of third degree assault in St. Louis County in Hibbing. Ekanem is accused of finding a teenager asleep in her car near the Mesabi bike trail near Chisholm then pulling the teenager from her car, beating her and raping her for an estimated 30-45 minutes. Bail has been set at $250,000.

A disturbing aspect of this incident is that Ekanem’s estranged wife reports that he is a “monster” who gets violent when he drinks. The estranged wife says that Ekanem drives an SUV with a child’s booster seat in the back.

According to the victim’s statement, Ekanem allegedly raped the teenager several times, including raping her while she was lying on a booster seat in the back of his SUV. 

Ekanem’s criminal history includes financial transaction card fraud and a speeding ticket. In 2012, a criminal court issued a warrant for commitment against Ekanem related to the fraud charge, which means that he was found incompetent to stand trial.

If Ekanem has a booster seat in the back of his SUV then it is reasonable to think that he has some custody or parenting time with his child(ren). The allegations from the estranged wife also imply that she has raised concerns about Ekanem’s behavior, and that he poses a serious risk of harm to others when drinking (and possibly in other ways as well).

I am really interested in learning more about Ekanem’s family court case, and specifically if any allegations of abuse, drinking, violent or concerning behavior were raised during proceedings. From what has been said by his estranged wife, in combination with a history of civil commitment, clearly Ekanem should not have any unsupervised contact with his children. 

I suggest that the investigators working this case consider that if Ekanem has had unsupervised contact with his children, abuse or maltreatment may have occurred. If there are any concerns, getting an evaluation from a qualified child psychologist or other professional is crucial. If children do not raise allegations about abuse, their behavior or development may also be indicative that something has happened. I am not saying the children should automatically be questioned or subjected to examination, but am suggesting that due to the seriousness of these allegations, in combination with Ekanem’s history, the safety and well-being of the children should be considered, especially if they have had any time alone or overnight unsupervised with Ekanem.

I would also suggest that the estranged wife talk to an advocate or battered women’s shelter about safety planning, and any options to ensure her safety and that of the children.

~ Emily Court

More Info:

Man finds teen alone in car on Iron Range, rapes and beats her, charges say





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Family Court Ruling Continues to Traumatize Children

Is this truly in the “best interest” of the children? The judges in the corrupt Hennepin County family court, along with Guardian ad Litem Jamie Manning, have implemented a custody and parenting schedule that promotes parental alienation, and has continued to traumatize the children since its implementation.

This painful scene is becoming a common occurrence in my life…

I wanted to spend some extra time with the children for a family holiday. The abuser, Mr. X, usually responds in the following ways

1) completely ignores me, and will not allow the children to come home (also refusing to communicate, so he is the only one that knows what is going on, and will not tell you what that is)

or 2) will allow the children to visit but only after making things as difficult and painful as possible, because he has to flex his sole custody muscles, and show who is in control.

My first request for the holiday visit went ignored – meaning no response, no indication he even read my messages. He will not answer phone calls. A week later, I sent a second request, also ignored. Then, a few days before the holiday, Mr. X responds and asks if I want to see the children. Of course I said yes — forgetting that I am not talking to a normal human being, but one who has been diagnosed with a “personality disorder” by the very court that later awarded him sole custody. After I said “yes”, Mr. X will not respond to give me a time or a date for the proposed visit. Nor will he respond to my request asking for a time. Is it really that hard to answer a simple text message?

Not all abuse leaves bruises, and parental alienation is clearly abusive behavior. Mr. X did not want me to visit my kids at all. What he wanted was to offer then make things so difficult that I got mad and said “forget it” or gave him an ultimatum to respond, and if he didn’t I would cancel the visit. This way Mr. X could tell the children I cancelled the visit, and did not want to see them. He looks like the “good guy” and I look like a terrible mom. Well, I did not give in. I have a support system in place that is impenetrable to his mind games, and personality disorder. After almost 3 days of no communication, no response to one simple question on what time I could see the kids… finally at the very last minute…when all hope of seeing the kids seems gone.. Mr. X sends me a txt saying “He did not see my message” and then gave me a time to see the kids.

By then a migraine was forming but I did manage to get myself together, push past the negativity, and have a wonderful visit with my kids. Two visits in one month – amazing!

Then comes the painful goodbye. As I drive closer to the site of the exchange, my toddler RJ begins to ask when can his brother and sister come home. When can they stay overnight. Will I ask Mr. X if they can stay overnight? Every time I said “no”, his voice got a little louder, more insistent.

When I got to the exchange site, I hugged my kids goodbye then instructed them to say goodbye to RJ. RJ did well saying goodbye to my older son but when his sister came to his door, he fell apart. Here is this little child, strapped in a car seat, stretching his arms out towards his sister, kicking his legs. Every instinct in him is to run after his brother and sister, but he cannot break free. RJ begins to cry, and beg for his sister to stay overnight. My daughter starts to cry too.

Then I look over at Mr. X – standing maybe 10 feet away – his face is carefully blank, emotionless. He acts like he cannot hear the crying, or the pleas of RJ. He sits in his car, staring into space, like nothing is happening. And he is the one inflicting this suffering on these children.

I hold back my tears because I need to be strong for my daughter. One final hug, and I gently push her back toward the dysfunctional life that is surely waiting for her with Mr. X. Then I stand next to RJ and kiss his forehead, doing my best to comfort him, as he grieves the loss of his siblings, and is forced to say goodbye. What can I say to make it better? There is nothing.

My daughter walks towards Mr. X’s car, head down, hair hanging in her beautiful face, now hidden in shadow. Tears line her eyes. As she nears the car, she deliberately straightens her shoulders, makes her face carefully blank, pulling her feelings so deep inside that there is no trace of them. Mr. X barely says a word to her. He does not console. He does not offer a hug. He is oblivious to her suffering. And I watch, completely helpless, as my little girl becomes someone else – I can see it in her face, in her body language and I feel it in my heart as she pulls away. My daughter has become adept at showing the world a mask, and stuffing her real self deep inside.

Parental alienation is child abuse. My children carry scars, that have been intentionally inflicted because their father is preventing them from having a relationship with their mother, little brother, and any connection to me.

My daughter is doing so poorly in her father’s home that Mr. X is now thinking of putting her on psychiatric medication. What medicine is there for a broken heart?

~ Emily Court, 2015



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