Lighting Candles for My Boy: Protective Mom Celebrates Birthday Alone

Protective Mom: Woman who escapes an abusive relationship with her children (who are often also abused or traumatized) and loses custody and/or parental rights in family court to the abuser while trying to protect her children. These cases often involve systematic failures in family court, corruption, gender bias and misconduct by family court officials, CPS, and others.

___________________

It’s cruel when the Judge creates an order for parenting time that only gives the Mother—once the primary caregiver of the children—one visit a month, and does not even provide a schedule for holidays, birthdays or school release days. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve this—not one piece of evidence or documentation was submitted against me.

I am a fit, capable Mom who has continuously lived in my home for many years. It is a welcoming environment for children with a bedroom for each child, my daughter’s is decorated with Princess Dora and her dollhouses, my son’s is decorated with glow in the dark space decals and huge inventions made of building blocks and assorted odds n ends. My fridge is covered with their pictures and letters, and a smudged fingerprint or two. We share a “special table” filled with their treasures—rocks and shells collected on their journeys, pictures of their smiling faces, and a proudly displayed Popsicle box painted 3 different colors. I hold a stable job and work hard to contribute to the care of my children, even when it is not asked of me; my kids know they can come to Mom for anything. Most important—I have been a positive and nurturing figure to my children for all of their lives. I thank God for my kids every single day.

 That family court would forcibly separarate a healthy, loving family–to take children from a Mom who has never done anything to harm her children, shows that the system is broken, corrupt and immoral. I strongly believe this judge will go on to hurt other families, and there is no recourse to hold him accountable for his actions. And without huge sums of money to get legal help to defend myself or file an appeal, I will be forced from being a part of my children’s lives. The alleged abuser will go unpunished, and my children will have to suffer living in a dysfunctional home. Where is the justice in that?

 So now as Child 1, “DJ”’s, birthday approaches, I have to beg Mr. X (alleged abuser) to see “DJ”. Of course, Mr. X totally ignores me and is not responding to any of my requests. Which means I won’t see “DJ” on his birthday. I won’t be able to sing to him. Or bake him a cake. Or plan a special event. Or show the baby photos and talk about the memories of his life. Or open the presents. There will be no pictures to take. I will stare at the phone in the hope I will get a phone call, yearning to hear his sweet voice on the other end. I remember his first word was “Momma” and forever his voice is imprinted on my heart.

Since the day I heard his first cry. Until now, and every day after, I know the sound of my son’s voice, and am instinctively pulled toward his call.

 If lost in a crowd of people, over all the noise I would be able to discern my son’s voice, it would tug against my heart, pulling me to him. Just as his voice has every day since “DJ”  was born. Since he was an infant and I would wake to his cries during the night, I have always been turned toward him.

Now I am sitting alone in front of my computer, tears shining in the darkness…

Happy Birthday Son! I wish I could be with you, please know I hold you in my heart, and pray we will be together one day.

Mommy loves you very much

–M21

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About Emily Court

Mom & Kids Need "Just Us" To Fight Injustice in Family Court. I blog to raise awareness about problems existing in the family court system, and use my own story as a personal example of how the systemic failures in family court, and the Guardian ad Litem Program, affect families, in an effort to encourage needed reform. "Emily Court" is a survivor of domestic violence and homelessness working to create a better life for her children, in a stable home free of violence. In her efforts to rebuild her life, she has not only encountered harassment and intimidation from her alleged abuser but faced systematic failures in family court that have empowered her alleged abuser and put her children at risk. Emily is fighting to keep her kids safe, and bring them home. Through writing and blogging, Emily is working to raise awareness about domestic violence, and the urgent need for family court reform. She is currently working on a memoir titled "'Til Prayers Are Answered".
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7 Responses to Lighting Candles for My Boy: Protective Mom Celebrates Birthday Alone

  1. NanaDoll says:

    Someone very close to me has very nearly experienced what you described. A judge tried to force a similar situation down her throat, but since the other party failed to appear, she was spared. I am so very sorry for you and your children. I pray that there will be justice for you and your children. SOON!

    • M21 says:

      Thanks Nana for your kind words. It is always nice to hear a happy ending for another family.

      • NanaDoll says:

        Fatherless children are a sad reality. Keeping a rotten person out of their lives is more important so that the trauma doesn’t continue. Praying for you and your little ones.

  2. Could anyone and everyone reading this please sign a petition to have a little girl protected and return to the loving home that she was tragically takin from by the abusive absentee parent. The link to the petition is http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/send-brooklyn-home.fb30?source=c.fb&r_by=8647646 if you could also share or send to anyone you know it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

  3. The judge “awarded” me time to visit my daughter on her birthday, Mother’s Day, etc., but it’s just a piece of paper — the judge neither monitors nor enforces this piece of paper that cost me thousands — all the money I had & money I didn’t have.

  4. Reblogged this on Moms' Hearts Unsilenced and commented:
    I wanted so much to make my daughter’s birthday special, as I always had tried to surround her with love & lovely, fun memories. I hate that I, too, have had to miss my daughter’s birthday thanks to the orchestrations of my abusive X & his 5th wife who delights in being his accomplice. Some other loving moms I know are also heartbroken because they are missing their daughters’ birthdays & I am reblogging Emily’s post for them as well as for Emily & her child.

  5. Tela says:

    How very very tragic! A mother’s love develops long before the child is born! And to know that the courts have the authority, based on pieces of paper to remove a child from their mother’s life is just incomprehensible!! Reading this post has made me so sad 😦

Comments are welcome on FCI. We appreciated thoughtful and respectful comments/feedback that offers a variety of views. Any view or opinion represented in the blog comments are personal and belong to the respective commentor. This blogger reserves the right to moderate comments for suitability and may remove or edit comments that contain abusive or offensive language, images, links or accusations. Comments may also be removed if they contain personal information, identifying information or sensitive details about your location, case, minor children, those involved in your case. Please do not post full articles from other sites, as it could be a violation of copyright or intellectual property laws. Thanks for visiting!!

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