Protective Mom: Woman who escapes an abusive relationship with her children (who are often also abused or traumatized) and loses custody and/or parental rights in family court to the abuser while trying to protect her children. These cases often involve systematic failures in family court, corruption, gender bias and misconduct by family court officials, CPS, and others.
It’s cruel when the Judge creates an order for parenting time that only gives the Mother—once the primary caregiver of the children—one visit a month, and does not even provide a schedule for holidays, birthdays or school release days. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve this—not one piece of evidence or documentation was submitted against me.
I am a fit, capable Mom who has continuously lived in my home for many years. It is a welcoming environment for children with a bedroom for each child, my daughter’s is decorated with Princess Dora and her dollhouses, my son’s is decorated with glow in the dark space decals and huge inventions made of building blocks and assorted odds n ends. My fridge is covered with their pictures and letters, and a smudged fingerprint or two. We share a “special table” filled with their treasures—rocks and shells collected on their journeys, pictures of their smiling faces, and a proudly displayed Popsicle box painted 3 different colors. I hold a stable job and work hard to contribute to the care of my children, even when it is not asked of me; my kids know they can come to Mom for anything. Most important—I have been a positive and nurturing figure to my children for all of their lives. I thank God for my kids every single day.
That family court would forcibly separarate a healthy, loving family–to take children from a Mom who has never done anything to harm her children, shows that the system is broken, corrupt and immoral. I strongly believe this judge will go on to hurt other families, and there is no recourse to hold him accountable for his actions. And without huge sums of money to get legal help to defend myself or file an appeal, I will be forced from being a part of my children’s lives. The alleged abuser will go unpunished, and my children will have to suffer living in a dysfunctional home. Where is the justice in that?
So now as Child 1, “DJ”’s, birthday approaches, I have to beg Mr. X (alleged abuser) to see “DJ”. Of course, Mr. X totally ignores me and is not responding to any of my requests. Which means I won’t see “DJ” on his birthday. I won’t be able to sing to him. Or bake him a cake. Or plan a special event. Or show the baby photos and talk about the memories of his life. Or open the presents. There will be no pictures to take. I will stare at the phone in the hope I will get a phone call, yearning to hear his sweet voice on the other end. I remember his first word was “Momma” and forever his voice is imprinted on my heart.
Since the day I heard his first cry. Until now, and every day after, I know the sound of my son’s voice, and am instinctively pulled toward his call.
If lost in a crowd of people, over all the noise I would be able to discern my son’s voice, it would tug against my heart, pulling me to him. Just as his voice has every day since “DJ” was born. Since he was an infant and I would wake to his cries during the night, I have always been turned toward him.
Now I am sitting alone in front of my computer, tears shining in the darkness…
Happy Birthday Son! I wish I could be with you, please know I hold you in my heart, and pray we will be together one day.
Mommy loves you very much