Fix Me (Ricky Hil feat. Leona Lewis): A Song About Grief and Loss

A song about grief and loss… 

“Fix Me” by Ricky Hil and Leona Lewis is so deep and haunting…

“Fix Me” reminds me of what it is like to grieve the loss of my children. The loss is so deep, at times I can hardly breathe because the memories I hold in my heart are so heavy on my chest. 

“Will you fix me, will you show me how to breathe, Before all is gone and my hope is lost, baby…”

“Fix Me” also reminds me of the very real grief and loss experienced by a parent who has lost custody and/or been forcibly separated from a child(ren) due to an unjust family court or CPS/DHS order.  Parents who have been alienated from their children also experience similar emotions, and also go through a grieving process. The parent does go through the stages of grief, and will experience a range of emotions, these feelings are a valid response to what they have experienced. It does NOT make a parent crazy that they mourn the loss of a child even though that child is still alive…

“I am lost, I can’t find my way… You were gone, when I’m awake..”

The loss of the child(ren) is compounded by the injustice that parent may have experienced, and coerced secrecy. By “coerced secrecy” I mean that many parents are afraid to speak up or even share their grief with someone who can help because they fear further retaliation from the Court. Coerced Secrecy is the messages, threats, intimidation and actions that encourage secrecy, to remain silent out of fear that speaking up or raising concern will lead to real harm against you, or your children.

“I’m alone and it’s real, but I don’t know now.. My heart is all I have and my brains are wearing out…”

“Fix You” reminds me also the tremendous internal battle a grieving parent fights to survive loss and justice, to keep fighting for their child…to be able to try to live even when the most precious, most meaningful thing in your life–your child(ren) has been taken from you.

“And when I’m lost, can’t find my way, And when it’s lost, it finds me some way…”

Every parent has a different way of coping with grief and loss.  Friends and family play a tremendous role in offering comfort. There are also professional and community supports available. For me, my greatest source of strength and hope was through my faith in God. I also did alot of volunteer work in the community, channeling the energies I formally used as a mother into helping and serving others. Listening to music also became a positive outlet for me.

For those parents experiencing the loss of a child I have described, you are not alone. Nor are you broken beyond repair. The loss you are experiencing is real. But even greater than the loss and the pain, even greater than injustice, is the love you have for your children. Your fight for your child is not always fought in the courtroom, sometimes the battle is won in the person who takes a breathe even when it so hard to breathe. The person who reaches out for help after they have been coerced into secrecy. The person that says “I will live” even though their heart is breaking. That person is YOU.

— Emily Court

To my children, I love you with all of my heart. I pray for you every night. I pray that one day we can be a family again, that you will come home. Even though things are tough now, and I cannot see you, hope for the day you can come home keeps me strong. I thank God for you. And am so blessed to be your Mommy. You will be forever and always, my precious babies! ❤ x ❤ x 

About Emily Court

It takes "Just Us" To Fight Injustice in Family Court. I blog to raise awareness about problems existing in the family court system, and use my own story as a personal example of how the systemic failures in family court, and the Guardian ad Litem Program, affect families, in an effort to encourage needed reform. Written by a survivor of domestic violence and homelessness working to create a better life for her children, in a stable home free of violence. In her efforts to rebuild her life, she has not only encountered harassment and intimidation from her alleged abuser but faced systematic failures in family court that have empowered her alleged abuser and put her children at risk. She is now fighting to keep her kids safe, and bring them home. Through writing and blogging, FCI is working to raise awareness about domestic violence, and the urgent need for family court reform. She is currently working on a memoir titled "'Til Prayers Are Answered".
This entry was posted in Family Court Injustice, Inspirational Quotes/Scripture, Music and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Fix Me (Ricky Hil feat. Leona Lewis): A Song About Grief and Loss

  1. Reblogged this on Life's Doors Mediation and commented:
    Music is very healing!

    • Emily Court says:

      I agree!

      Music can also be a great way to connect to children. One time my daughter was angry and stomped off, going into her room to be alone. I wanted to talk to my daughter but knew a direct approach would not work until she was calmed down. So I grabbed the CD player, pointed it at the door of her room, and turned on all of her favorite songs.
      It was so funny because my daughter stuck her head out the door, and said, “Mom! Are you playing my favorite songs on purpose?!?!”
      I was like, “No honey, I just like these songs too!”
      My daughter wasn’t angry for long… in fact she came out of her room voluntarily and I didn’t have to talk to her because she seemed just fine.

      If you have any tips or stories on how music has helped you, or been used to connect or communicate plz share in the comments! Thanks for reading FCI – your input is appreciated! xx

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