Enough of No Love, Enough of No Justice (Keyshia Cole Video, Commentary)

Recent comments from Bill Windsor, about the family courts falsely labeling women who raise abuse allegations in family court, prompted me to think about my own experiences with the same..

The video “Enough of No Love” by Keyshia Cole has always reminded me of how the Hennepin County Family Court (and most recently Judge Patrick Robben, who is not a psychologist and certainly should not be diagnosing any litigant as “mentally ill”) attempted to portray me as crazy in order to discredit the abuse allegations I have raised. The Court needs to say that I am crazy in order to justify giving such a dysfunctional, unsafe person custody of two vulnerable children (who still struggle while in his care).

Cuz I can’t stay here, if there is no love... ”

“Enough of No Love” is a powerful video that to me, expresses, much of what I have endured in the continued domestic assault endured in family court, which takes on many forms including harassment, defamation, legal abuse and abuses of the psychiatric or mental health practice. To be honest, I do not really care for the explicit lyrics of the song, so maybe turn the volume down and just watch.

The video begins with Keyshia Cole in a beautiful bride’s dress with sparkling black shoes, her world is being turned upside down, and she finds herself in a padded room, struggling to make sense of what has happened to her life. The scene changes angles rhythmically, like a monarch folding and unfolding its wings in flight. Keyshia covers her arms over her head, curls into the fetal position, an indicator of trauma. The scene turns again and again, evoking the image of a shattered heart, or a shattered mind.

There is a brief moment of darkness, then the violins swell and a golden light fills the room – as the past is brought into focus. Long stemmed roses, beautiful jewelry, expensive shoes are flung through the air. The idealized romance every girl dreams of, horribly gone wrong.

The scene flashes between Keyshia fighting for her sanity in the padded room, and the hip, confident woman standing in the gold room. A contrast of who she once was, and who she became after the heartbreak and betrayal of a bad relationship.  The items continue to fly, now into a suitcase, symbolizing freedom.

Keyshia sings, “I admit that you almost had me, I admit I was almost crazy..

Keyshia’s internal struggle is depicted in a collage of images: Beating her fists against the walls of the padded room. Her emotions released in soulful notes. The silhouette of a man, standing in front of a window, a glowing red light falling on his form. Shadowy high heels walking down a dark hallway, a door is slightly ajar, a man sits on the bed. Will she go inside towards the man or just walk away?

Can’t say I’m not hurt, I’ll be damned if I’m broken…Cause I-I can’t stay here, if there’s no love. Yeah I-I can’t stay here, cause I’ve had enough. Enough of no love, enough of no love. No love!

Another interesting aspect of this song and video, is that when Keyshia is hurt (or traumatized) she struggles with destructive thoughts, wanting to lash out in anger or do something to vindicate herself. 

And I admit that I thought about creeping, So you could get a dose of how I feel. Cause our hearts can never seem to break even. But what’s the use I’d rather pack it up and leaving. Cause here we are again, cause you’re wrong again..

Now that is truth. People who are abused, betrayed, and hurt at a deep level do suffer from a trauma – a real emotional and psychological injury. When people are in that fragile and broken state, they may have conflicting thoughts or display behaviors that are not normally seen. With time, and given the right support or help, the person will usually heal (maybe never completely) or resume to a more normal life. But if the trauma is inflicted again and again, or the person is not allowed heal, the wounding continues.

This is exactly what happens in family court. When the courts fail to recognize domestic violence, child abuse, sexual abuse, family dysfunction, the wounding continues.  Court professionals who do not understand, and are not trained, to recognize the signs and symptoms of abuse and trauma inevitably re-traumatize the victim. A secondary trauma happens when judges, attorneys and court officers make decisions that put parents and families at risk of harm. Or fail to recognize the abuse and falsely label the person with mental illness, parental alienation, failure to co-parent (etc). Another thing that commonly happens is that the abuser or the dysfunctional parent is not held accountable, and is favored by the court. While the victim, and the children, are blamed for being the cause of the problems in the family. The “problem” is reporting abuse or concerning behavior, or a child not doing well (or refusing to visit) an abusive parent.

Then the psychiatric abuse, perpetrated through the legal system, begins – the false diagnosis, the forced therapy, committing a parent without cause or due process, imposing threat therapy on children, allowing untrained professionals to treat children and families. These abuses happen because the victims are discredited by the court system (or even by CPS), and not believed, once labelled as “mentally ill”. There is also a serious lack of accountability in the court system. Not to mention that the court professionals hide, conceal, and conspire to cover up, remove or destroy evidence that would indicate that abuse has happened.

The part of the video with Keyshia running down a hallway where all the doors are shut, and she comes to the closed door, feels trapped and turns her head with a pained look on her face.. reminds me of that struggle in family court. Before litigation began, I just wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother. That dreamed ended when the abuse began. I was isolated from the world, controlled, and whether I had a good day or a bad day was based on the mood of “Mr. X”.

I fled the abuse, and fought to rebuild my life. I secured new housing. I was the primary caregiver of my children. I volunteered in my community, taught Sunday school. And for the first time I could discover what it meant to be “me”. But the control, the rage continued..the hallway of shut doors is family court.

Through the family court system my abuser has been enabled by the co-abusers: judges, GALs, psychologists, attorneys, etc Once again I find myself in the realm of his control, now exerted through his power over my children, and his ability to influence my relationship with my children. The Family Court decided that I had not “proven” to their satisfaction that domestic violence had occurred. Being physically assaulted and thrown out of your home with two young children, apparently does not meet the criteria. And since the Court decided that there is no domestic violence, that also meant any concerns about what happened in our home, and the abuse now inflicted on my children was not valid but rather a manifestation of my illness. Time and time again, Hennepin County 4th Judicial Family Court has covered up allegations and documentation of physical, mental and even sexual abuse of my children. The Court has intentionally ignored the severe emotional, psychological and acting out behaviors present in my children. The Court has dismissed credible evidence, a forensic report, witness statements. The Court has even rejected credible evidence and instead relied on the perjured testimony of my abuser. And I am told that I am crazy for trying to protect my children, and keep them safe. Where is the justice? I cannot find it anywhere, I am trapped in the hallway of closed doors.

In the last scenes of this video, Keyshia confronts the shattered aspects of her self, and the wreck that has become her life. Those fragments are symbolized as the dancers, whose movements suggest they are fighting back, and alternately crouched on the ground in a fetal position. In once scene, Keyshia goes chest to chest with ‘Lil Wayne, asserting herself, “I can’t stay here ‘cuz I’ve had enough, enough of no love.” The lighting changes from gray to red to black, the suitcase explodes, the scene becomes blurry… images of the padded room flicker again as a delicate monarch.

nolove

What will Keyshia decide? To stay in this dysfunctional relationship, or to break free and step into the life she was meant to have?

The scene goes black. We see Keyshia again in her frilly white wedding gown crouched on the floor of the padded room, her fist clenched.

I have found myself in that same position. Feeling beaten down. My heart broken. The tremendous loss of my children was so great that I could hardly breathe. The times I wanted to fall in bed but the pillow smelled like my daughter, and I was up all night remembering the times we giggled together, or the special conversations we shared, and in those dreams I felt my daughter so close to me that I woke up saying her name, only to have the chill of night grasp my fingers. And in the darkness was the devastating realization: My children were not coming home. My children were placed in the custody of their abusive father. I remembered the anguished cries when my daughter was about to reveal something and my son told her “Don’t tell Mom!” Or the fear in my son’s eyes when he came home with a bite mark in his skin, a full set of teeth indented into his soft tissue. Or the time my son cried because “Daddy took the door off my room because I was bad”. My son was humiliated, and afraid to get dressed in his own bedroom. And yet the Hennepin County Family Court told me that this man was a good father, someone they would recommend for sole custody. While I just get one visit a month – no overnight visits, no holiday visits, no vacation time. I will have to go to my abuser for additional time with my children and again he will control and belittle me. Hennepin County Family Court has rejected my motions for additional parenting time for over 5 years, and Judge Robben has even punished me for asking for additional parenting time by ordering me to pay attorney’s fees to my abuser’s attorney. This attorney has contributed to the suffering of my children, and depleted any money their father could provide towards their future or college fund… and yet he is so greedy that this attorney has to now seek what little pennies are left from me. 

In those moments of painful realization, I clench my fist just as Keyshia did and vow to fight…because even in my brokenness, I am all that my children have of sanity.

~ Emily Court, 2015

“I admit that you almost had me,
I admit I was almost crazy..

Can’t say I’m not hurt.
I’ll be damned if I’m broken,

Enough of no love, enough of no love
No love!”

35a7c-trust-quotes

“Enough of No Love” by Keyshia Cole feat. ‘Lil Wayne (YouTube): Enough of No Love

“Enough of No Love Lyrics” AZ Lyrics

Bill Windsor (Lawless America) : “Family Courts Put Wonderful Mothers in Insane Asylums”

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

About Emily Court

It takes "Just Us" To Fight Injustice in Family Court. I blog to raise awareness about problems existing in the family court system, and use my own story as a personal example of how the systemic failures in family court, and the Guardian ad Litem Program, affect families, in an effort to encourage needed reform. "Emily Court" is a survivor of domestic violence and homelessness working to create a better life for her children, in a stable home free of violence. In her efforts to rebuild her life, she has not only encountered harassment and intimidation from her alleged abuser but faced systematic failures in family court that have empowered her alleged abuser and put her children at risk. Emily is fighting to keep her kids safe, and bring them home. Through writing and blogging, Emily is working to raise awareness about domestic violence, and the urgent need for family court reform. She is currently working on a memoir titled "'Til Prayers Are Answered".
This entry was posted in Domestic Violence, Family Court Injustice, Music, Our Family Albulm and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Enough of No Love, Enough of No Justice (Keyshia Cole Video, Commentary)

  1. Subj: SandraGrazzini-RuckiMillionBailsetbyJudgeKarenAsplaugBadBehaviorIntimadation

    10Nov2015
    (651) 296-3353 (800) 657-3787 TTY: (651) 297-7206 TTY: (800) 366-4812
    1400 Bremer Tower, 445 Minnesota Street, St. Paul, MN 55101 M-F 8am-5pm
    To the Above Named
    Re; Parens Patriae Lori Swanson, et al
    http://www.ag.state.mn.us must intervene, investigate.
    Ramsey County Attorney
    http://www.co.ramsey.mn.us/attorney/ I pledge to you that we will continue to work hard every day to fulfill our mission of … Engaging Men to Prevent Violence Against Women Forum to be held
    Affiant Mrs. Sharon Scarrella Anderson, Political Advocate, Professional Candidate to expose Government Corruption,
    50 yrs ago Similarily Situated, Murder 10 month Baby Boy Henry Gooselaw Jr., http://www.minnesota-murders.blogspot.com

    In the interest of Minnesota’s Court System, Bias Judges, we the People must go Public with Heinous Family Court Situations. Costs to house persons with Million Dollar Bail without Jury Trials or Due Process’s without Evidence.
    THEREFORE RELEASE SANDRA GRAZZINI-RUCKI IMMEDIATELY THIS TRAVESTY OF BOGUS JUSTICE TO INTIMADETE IS BIZZARE.

    Click here: Bail for Dakota County mom accused of hiding kids voided, then set again at $1?M | Star Tribune
    By BRANDON STAHL , STAR TRIBUNE
    November 09, 2015 – 9:01 PM


    Grazzini-Rucki
    By BRANDON STAHL , STAR TRIBUNE

    A mother accused of helping her two teenage daughters run away from their Lakeville home continues to be held on $1 million bail after a hearing Monday where her attorney urged a judge to set her free.

    Sandra Grazzini-Rucki was arrested on Oct. 18 at a Florida resort and spa on three charges of felony deprivation of parental rights. Her daughters, Gianna and Samantha, were 13 and 14 when they ran away from their Lakeville home in April 2013.

    Returned to Minnesota last week, Grazzini-Rucki, 50, had a bail hearing on Friday, after being extradited on Thursday, but her attorney, Michelle MacDonald, was not present.

    Judge Karen Asphaug lifted the bail, and then gave each side a new chance to argue their case.

    Prosecutor Phil Prokopowicz again asked for $1 million bail. He acknowledged the large amount, given the charges, but argued that it took nine weeks for federal authorities to find Grazzini-Rucki, that she has ID cards in two states, and that she uses prepaid cellphones to avoid being tracked.

    MacDonald, who has been named by Lakeville police as “a person of interest” in the case of the missing girls, argued that Grazzini-Rucki should be released on her own recognizance.

    She said her client was homeless, and offered that if she was released she would live with her.

    Asphaug set the bail at $1 million, agreeing with Prokopowicz that Grazzini-Rucki presents a flight risk. She can also be released if she pays a $650,000 bail, but with restrictions, such as home monitoring.

    Grazzini-Rucki’s next hearing has been set for Nov. 30, at which MacDonald said she will argue that charges should be dismissed.

    The sisters ran from their home while their parents were in the midst of a bitter custody dispute over their five children. The girls had accused their father of abusing them, but a court-appointed psychologist concluded that Grazzini-Rucki had turned her children against their father. A Dakota County judge granted the father full custody of his children in November 2013, saying there was no credible evidence that they were abused.

    Brandon Stahl • 612-673-4626

    Comments
    sharia4law pending
    @saywhaaat In the Matter ofhttps://redherringalert.wordpress.com/tag/sandra-grazzini-rucki/

    Protest Jailing & Prosecution of Sandra Grazzini-Rucki!

    Million Dollar Bail Set: “Outrage” Says Sandra’s Attorney

    Advocate, possible Next Friend Mrs. Sharon Anderson called Backstrom Office 651-438-8141

    Sandra Grazzi-Rucki Dakota Co File No 19HA-CR-152669 Transferred by Judge Karen Asphaug (who sits on State Committment Panel) to Ramsey Co Workhouse in Maplewood by Sheriff Tim Leslie at 651-438-4800 and 651-266-1400

    Sandra heinously Denied Work Release on Presentence with Ominbus Hearing 30 Nov2015

    with Case Worker deborah.neily@co.ramsey.mn.us her Supervisor elizabeth.reetz@co.ramsey.mn.us 651-266-1435 with Superintendant Al Carlson.

    Affiant will place on Facebook Sandra’s Whereabouts to make sure these Sheriffs, County Officials will insure the Safety of any Prisioners.

    Affiant Mrs. Sharon Anderson aka Peterson aka Scarrella had Similar Situation 50 yrs ago, Government taking Sharons Daughter, giving to her Father and his Mistress who involved in the Murder of 10 month old Baby Boy Henry Gooselaw Jr.

    Sharon as Political Candidate must Abolish the State Committment Panel which Knutson, Asplaug are Membershttps://www.scribd.com/doc/285787357/Judges-on-Committment-Panel-Minnesota-Administrative-Order-Membership

    LEGAL NOTICE: /s/Sharon4Anderson@aol.com ECF_P165913Pacersa1299 telfx: 651-776-5835:
    Attorney ProSe_InFact,Private Attorney General QuiTam Whistleblower, Sharons Informal Brief re: FIAFEA_FIRREA_A09-2031 « Sharon4andersonâ??s Weblog http://www.taxthemax.blogspot.com
    The Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. FindLaw

  2. Pingback: SandraGrazzini-RuckiMothersLoveTakenviaCorruptCourtsPhilProkowiczProsecutarialMisconduct | Sharon4anderson's Weblog

  3. Pingback: Calls resound to reform family court ‘fraud’ | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

  4. Pingback: Activists Flock To Super Bowl 50 For Massive Protests | Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

Comments are welcome on FCI. We appreciated thoughtful and respectful comments/feedback that offers a variety of views. Any view or opinion represented in the blog comments are personal and belong to the respective commentor. This blogger reserves the right to moderate comments for suitability and may remove or edit comments that contain abusive or offensive language, images, links or accusations. Comments may also be removed if they contain personal information, identifying information or sensitive details about your location, case, minor children, those involved in your case. Please do not post full articles from other sites, as it could be a violation of copyright or intellectual property laws. Thanks for visiting!!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s